Trust.
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.Good god. I felt sore in the morning and as usual my friends never fail to cheer me up. Thank you all (:
Came home, planned to spend some quality time with my sisters, since today was like the last of their papers. But I guess god had some other plans.
Sometimes I don't understand why this happens.
Today was a test of our trust. And I know I've passed that test, cause no matter what happens I trust my sisters more than myself that they will never do anything wrong. I know she hasn't and she won't. I know she won't fail her upbringing.
I just don't understand the people who are sabotaging her. Why must they do it? Are they so driven by jealousy that they would stoop so low? I hope whoever it is, gets what he/she deserves.
There's nothing to fear cause I know she has not done anything wrong.
I know how badly she wanted to take a proper break after all that studying and she deserves it. She really doesn't need to go through this shit.
Today has been a very eventful day and I hope the days to come are filled joy. I hope the grey blankets of cloud over my family is washed away soon.
I know many other people in this world face a lot more shit than an average teenager like me. But I guess we've been born and bred in such a manner that we take most things for granted. And when we are faced with such minuscule problems, we nag a lot. Can't help being one of those teenagers now.
Anyway, tomorrow is the last school day for the J2s, and I'll really miss them in school.
I know I need to get over this fact soon and I hope I do.
I just hate Changes.
Thursday, October 15, 2009 @ 7:35:00 PM
Regrets.
Wow, blogging after ages. The only times I probably ever blog is when I'm feeling down.Today was such an uneventful day at school. I felt so useless. Looking at the J2s so busy and all set to move on beyond JC is a stark reminder to my past blunders. Cause I know, I could have been there with them finishing my JC education ths year.
Furthermore, with the JC1s busy with PW and MT, the repeat students are stuck with some GP research shit. And its not that as if the research program is able to fill up my days. It really is so boring. I remember, before promos I had a thousand and one things to do, but now I have nothing to do at all!
Then as I was walking back home today, I remembered someone telling me that many of the Bio students who had scored straight As failed to get into their desired course such as Medicine. Reality hit me, a reminder that the world outside is not that nice after all and competition is stiff. Then I passed by some doctor on his way to work. His conversation over the phone momentarily motivated me to go home and study. But by the time I hit the books, the motivation just waned off. I really want to do well and I'm not sure if all the hardwork I'll put in will ever pay off.
This is the last week for JC2s and its breaks my heart to know that soon they'll be gone. As of now, I'm probably not dealing very well with that thought. Thats why I wish to be so busy in school that I probably wouldn't feel their absence. Like an act of defense from that pain. I'm not sure how next year would be. But I'm trying to look forward to it with an optimistic attitude that the JC1s next years would be awesome.
This year has been such an emotional roller-coaster. I prayed at the start of this year for it to be a smoother ride, but I guess it went unanswered. However, times like during the SYF period where life was so hectic never fail to bring a smile to my face. Sometimes I wish I could play selected time periods all over again.
Anyways, I'm in search for something to look forward to in school. Something to keep me distracted. I can't find any and I'm not sure I'll last long enough till the end of this year..
Wednesday, October 14, 2009 @ 8:58:00 PM
The blog is back(:I just couldn't keep it away. Finally found some time to update and yes, no promises that I'll update it regularly.
Yesterday was awesome.
Firstly we had the National Day cum Racial Harmony day celebrations. I went to sch in a sari. Don't really have photos, waiting for people to upload them. It was tiring, felt quite restless cause it was damn hot. Danced to Low with Nikita - which could have been better if I was not in a sari. After that we had some game stations. Tried Archery, Handball and saw fencing. After that we had to go to Audi, where we stayed there till it was our turn on stage. My whole class sang, "Where I Belong" - it was good. Felt almost famous for minute when my dear dancers and friends cheered me on. who knew I was that famous eh
After that I rushed home to get changed and accompany Laalitya down to get some food. Had planned to go to school to hand in some form but I met Pranesh and Mani on the way and we just walked home. Went home, wrapped the teachers' farewell gifts and then got changed again for the farewell.
Since Pranesh and Navin were at Mani's house (whose block is just behin mine), I met them under my block. After that we met Shifana at T Mart, then walked towards Insia's house and met her. Then walked further down, closer to Faslur's house and met him. We walked towards the Condo where the ICS Farewell was being held. On our way there we met Kalicharan, Gautami and Rasina. So we all walked into the Function hall at around 6pm.
Was suppossed to meet Andrea, since she lived in the same condo. But she left early.
Nevertheless, we started playing Musical Chairs. Then Sam, Raveen, Bharet and Mahes came. Played more games. Pass the parcel was fun(: the best ever.
Then we had dinner - which was awesome by the way. From Riverwalk Tandoor - I own the place, really.
After dinner, we played Guess Who? which was fun fun fun. Then we watched a video made by the new exco. It was really really really touching. And I had told myself not to cry on that day. But the video just brought back many fond memories and made me emotional. So yes, I cried. Amazingly even before Sam cried.
After that Sam joined in the crying haha. I really used a lot of tissues man.
Through that I also realised that besides my close friends from last year, the new J1s and I have also forged a close relationship. It was touching that my dear excos, the new excos, my dancers and Mdm Banu came to give me a shoulder to cry on.
I know I'll miss the J2s a lot after they're gone. I miss everything that has happened since last year. I miss the mornings, the breaks and walks home. I'll miss seeing them 5 days a week. I'll just miss everything about them.
Some say changes are good and life goes on. But really this is one of the moments when I wish that this year never ends or that last year replays itself (despite it being a rather emotionally and mentally trying year) Cause I want all that time back I've spent with all my dear friends.
(damn I'm crying as I type this)
But really I just want that one chance to spend another year with them in sch.
But to put things on a brighter side, at least they'll progress and reach greater heights in their pursuit for a degree. I'll still have Nikita with me, my dancers with me, my class with me, Vidthiya, Pravin and Kavitha with me. They all will be there with me, supporting me, guiding me next year.
To think about it, I'm very fortunate to have a whole life to be with them or in contact with them, unlike some loved ones I'll never be able to talk to.
I know that no matter what I say or think, it can't change the fact that they'll no longer be in school next year. But I will still look forward to times when we get together. I still remember what Mahes said, "I know what it feels like, I've been through this. But you know what, they really do come back"
I feel so lost for words now. Like a mixed bag of emotions in me. Happy, glad and grateful for the fact that God has given me so many great friends and sad at the same time that we all have to part at the end and that things never do remain the same...
Saturday, August 08, 2009 @ 10:35:00 AM
You are Braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Hear the silence.
-Because one day I'll just disappear when you're not looking.
Monday, June 29, 2009 @ 7:16:00 PM
.
Hello people.Life is so the happening now. The latest happening thing probably was me hyperventilating and then vomiting and feeling all feverish the whole day. Had fever on and off. Am tired of studying. Not that I have studied much. Wish I was so much more motivated to study. Don't want history to repeat itself. Wanted to make this year so much better than last year. Not sure if I have done so.
My mood: #$@*)##
Arghhhhhhhhhh. I'm so moody now. Bye people. Will be back when the world comes to an end.
Thursday, June 25, 2009 @ 12:56:00 PM
Sunita Di.
Its been a year.
We miss you(:
Tuesday, June 23, 2009 @ 12:55:00 PM
Phases.
Sometimes I wish you could really understand me and why we do things.
I've tried everything possible, even trying to understand you and your perspective. Please don't make me give up on you cause I believe in you and I really love you (:
